Why
Dhaka?
This is a
question commonly asked among the ex-pat community. The real question being,
what would possess someone to choose, of their own free will, to live in Dhaka,
Bangladesh? After all, it was rated the second worst city to live in by the 2013 Economist Intelligence Unit Global
Livability Survey. The only city worse than Dhaka at the time of the
survey was Damascus the war-torn capital of Syria.
So why did I come to Dhaka? To be completely honest, I was tired of constantly comparing my life to those around me and having the feeling of consistently coming up short. Comparing our life to others is what we do best in North America. It drives our economy and fuels our consumerism. If we constantly feel like we never measure up, we will continue to consume goods and services trying to achieve the impossible goal. It's brilliant marketing; it's emotionally exhausting. I thought that if I were to do something completely different, there couldn't be any comparisons.
But as it turns out, the feeling of not measuring up still exists inside my own head no matter where I live. Perhaps it's human nature. Maybe it affects some people more than others and most people more than it should. Now that I teach middle years students, I'm brought back to that time in my life, where I constantly felt awkward, out of place and never good enough. My students struggle with the same thoughts and I find myself running impromptu after school counseling sessions discussing all kinds of sensitive issues. There is no school counselor, no social worker, no school psychologist, nothing. Just me, doing my best to make my students feel adequate in a world designed to make them feel the opposite. The one thing I do know, is that no matter what happens in my week, no matter where I am in the world, if I know that I can make someone else's day better, that's all I need. If I can inspire someone else to be their best, to reach their full potential, that is the greatest joy.
So I don't have life all figured out yet, but I'm beginning to think that is not a thing that ever happens. What I am learning, is how top live in the in between, dealing with all the pain and all the joy that comes my way and sorting out which feeling to wear that day.
An illustration: Monday morning we didn't have any school, my room mate and I walked to a busy intersection with a box of crackers and granola bars and handed them out to people walking through traffic, begging for money. They called their friends, their friends called their friends, and within 5 minutes it was all gone. With smiles on everyone's face, we walked away. We didn't solve anything. Those people are still living in poverty while we live our lives of luxury next door. But for a few minutes, we brightened their day with a few treats and them humbled ours as we watched them share among each other, making sure the man in the wheel chair, who couldn't get to us fast enough, still got his share.
So I can either feel depressed and helpless at the fact that I cannot single handedly bring these people out of poverty, or I can feel joy at brightening someone's day. To be honest, I feel both, and i think that's a good thing, because discontent drives us to change what it is that we don't like, and finding joy in the little things keeps us hopeful enough to believe that change is possible.
So why did I come to Dhaka? To be completely honest, I was tired of constantly comparing my life to those around me and having the feeling of consistently coming up short. Comparing our life to others is what we do best in North America. It drives our economy and fuels our consumerism. If we constantly feel like we never measure up, we will continue to consume goods and services trying to achieve the impossible goal. It's brilliant marketing; it's emotionally exhausting. I thought that if I were to do something completely different, there couldn't be any comparisons.
But as it turns out, the feeling of not measuring up still exists inside my own head no matter where I live. Perhaps it's human nature. Maybe it affects some people more than others and most people more than it should. Now that I teach middle years students, I'm brought back to that time in my life, where I constantly felt awkward, out of place and never good enough. My students struggle with the same thoughts and I find myself running impromptu after school counseling sessions discussing all kinds of sensitive issues. There is no school counselor, no social worker, no school psychologist, nothing. Just me, doing my best to make my students feel adequate in a world designed to make them feel the opposite. The one thing I do know, is that no matter what happens in my week, no matter where I am in the world, if I know that I can make someone else's day better, that's all I need. If I can inspire someone else to be their best, to reach their full potential, that is the greatest joy.
So I don't have life all figured out yet, but I'm beginning to think that is not a thing that ever happens. What I am learning, is how top live in the in between, dealing with all the pain and all the joy that comes my way and sorting out which feeling to wear that day.
An illustration: Monday morning we didn't have any school, my room mate and I walked to a busy intersection with a box of crackers and granola bars and handed them out to people walking through traffic, begging for money. They called their friends, their friends called their friends, and within 5 minutes it was all gone. With smiles on everyone's face, we walked away. We didn't solve anything. Those people are still living in poverty while we live our lives of luxury next door. But for a few minutes, we brightened their day with a few treats and them humbled ours as we watched them share among each other, making sure the man in the wheel chair, who couldn't get to us fast enough, still got his share.
So I can either feel depressed and helpless at the fact that I cannot single handedly bring these people out of poverty, or I can feel joy at brightening someone's day. To be honest, I feel both, and i think that's a good thing, because discontent drives us to change what it is that we don't like, and finding joy in the little things keeps us hopeful enough to believe that change is possible.
Your last sentence is a good observation & a good conclusion to come to. To be totally one or the other - either depressed or blindly joyful - is not being honest (as you said) or realistic.
ReplyDeleteRuth
I appreciate your insights Allison, and I can tell that the challenges of your experiences are helping you grow and evolve into an (even more) effective teacher and well-rounded individual. So proud of you!
ReplyDelete